Is it possible to think your way to happier thoughts?
- Ayelet Krieger
- Oct 30
- 3 min read
Is it possible to think happy thoughts and actually become happier?
The research says yes!
The first thing you need to know is that your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all directly linked to each other. So the more we think, feel, or act or a certain way, the deeper the cycle becomes.
The good news is that this direct relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors means that if we intervene in any one of these domains, we are likely to create a ripple effect in the others.
Remember the last time you felt stressed? Likely, you were behaving in a way that reflected that feeling. You may have felt nervous in a new social setting, on a date, or at a job interview and felt like you were tripping over your words. And you were probably having thoughts that follow that same pattern—worrying about how you were coming across, contributing to even more anxiety.
The interesting thing about the linkages between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors is that each directly impacts the other.
Based on this foundational principle of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), research shows that if you act happy you can feel happy. In other words, fake it 'til you make it. Or another way to say this is: you build the muscle by exerting the muscle.
Empirical studies have found that the following behaviors that can directly stimulate the emotional reaction of happiness:
Avoid comparisons. I am sure you know this to be true in your own lived experience. We all do it, it’s a fundamental part of our existence as social beings. And actually, there is a whole theory devoted to the topic of Social Comparison. For the purpose of helping us evaluate our own strengths/weaknesses and worth. While social comparison can be a motivator and healthy barometer for us, it can become a rather unhealthy function when it becomes an obsession as to why we are not performing as well as someone else. This is the result of upward social comparison (comparing ourselves to someone who is “outperforming” us), as opposed to downward social comparison, which, as shameful as it is to admit, can make us feel better about ourselves. Unfortunately, the world is biased towards upward social comparison, because those are the stories you hear about more often. This is the case with so much of social media, and why it leads to depression, anxiety, and hostility.
Have goals. Scientific research shows that setting and working towards goals can contribute to happiness in various ways, including:
- Being a source of interest, engagement or pleasure
- Giving us a sense of meaning and purpose
- Bringing a sense of accomplishment when we achieve what we set out to (or milestones along the way). This also builds our confidence and belief in what we can do in the future
- Goals help focus our attention. Actively working towards them appears to be as important for our well-being as achieving the end results we are aiming for.
Goals are most successful when they're something we really want to achieve and when we set them for ourselves - rather than being something someone else wants us to do.
Devalue money. As discussed earlier, there is a relationship btw money and happiness, but to a point.
Say thank you. Gratitude gets a lot of attention in the area of happiness. In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships. Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make them happier, or thinking they can’t feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. And, although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice.
Savor the everyday. This finding draws on the abundant research on mindfulness. The ability to savor the moment you are in, instead of looking ahead (which stated earlier) in many leads to anxiety or looking behind which may lead to depression, contributes to ones happiness. When one glides from one moment to the next, days, weeks, months or years can float by in a fog. Savoring this moment leads one to making the most of the opportunities you have right now, rather than wishing the situation were different. Research finds that those who find themselves constantly distracted report less feelings of happiness than those that are present in what they are experiencing right now.
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