“Doing Things Right” Vs. “Doing the Right Thing”
- Ayelet Krieger
- Nov 7, 2025
- 4 min read
The constant pressure to “get things right” is something most of us—if not all of us—face on a regular basis.
First off, let us reassure you. As strange as this may sound, it is actually normal to have persistent thoughts that tell you things like: “I screwed up again” or “I never do anything right” or “There’s no point in even trying”.
This may sound strange, or just plain annoying. Why does our brain feed us discouraging, self-defeating messages instead of encouraging, self-approving ones?
Great question! A lot of psychologists and researchers have devoted years of research to exactly this question. One common answer is that it comes down to something called “negativity bias” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200306/our-brains-negative-bias). In short, “negativity bias” is the tendency of our thoughts to focus on what is going wrong (rather than on what is going right).
Ever notice, for instance, that when you’re driving to work in the morning (or home at the end of the day) or when you’re preparing to meet your boss, your mother or a new date—your mind is constantly scanning and raising alarm bells about every possible thing that might go wrong?
Would it surprise you to learn that this is experienced by most people?
Why? Because not only is “negativity bias” at play, but social conditioning is as well. One of the outcomes of being human is that you likely grew up in an environment where you were rewarded for doing things “right” and punished (or ignored) for doing this “wrong”. True?
So what can you do about it? A lot.
Brain science and lots of personal experiences tell us that just because your brain has been wired a certain way, doesn’t mean it’s stuck that way forever.
You can transform what you think. And you can transform how you feel.
One of the most powerful ways we have experienced to make this transformation is by changing our mental models, which is to say, by changing the way we see and interact with the world.
What we’re talking about here is shifting from a “Doing Things Right” mental model, to the mental model: “Doing the Right Thing”.
Before we dive more into what we mean, please remember to be gentle with yourself as you are doing this work. At times it won’t feel easy. Be kind to yourself when you fall off the wagon. And get back on again. You can do this!
3 Steps To Shift From “Doing Things Right” to “Doing the Right Thing”:
Get real and get honest. What’s it like to live a life with “Doing Things Right” glasses on?
Reflect: If you are someone whose life is focussed on winning the social approval of other people—your parents’ love, your bosses’ praise, your friends’ inclusion, and/or partner’s validation—you are probably feeling exhausted with always feeling the pressure to get things “right”.
This may show up as anxiety, fear, or stress. It may even show up as anger at the people in your life who you’re trying so hard to please.
Knowingly or unknowingly, you have been allowing others to define what is “right” for you.
Act: Take 5 minutes and have a go at journaling your honest, uncensored responses to what it’s like to live a life focused on “Getting Things Right”. What drives you? What makes you feel good? What makes you feel bad? What about this approach is not working for you anymore? What is missing? What do you long for?
Close Your Eyes. Connect with your heart, with your inner guide. What’s it like to live a life of “Doing the Right Thing”?
Reflect: If you have been living a life that’s shaped according to other people’s definition of right, it may be time to take the reins back and to start setting your own definitions for what “right” means to you.
“Doing Things Right” is about pleasing others.
“Doing the Right Thing” is about (a) getting clear inside yourself what matters to you, (b) living your life according to what matters most to you, and then (c) learning from the outcomes and starting the cycle again.
“Doing the Right Thing” is about living from the inside out. You set the standard for “right” according to what is most meaningful to you.
Act: Take 5 minutes and starting on a fresh page in your journal, write as quickly as you can without pausing (so your inner critic can’t get a bite) about what it would be like to live a life of “Doing the Right Thing”.
Some prompts that may help are: What does “right” mean for you? What does “wrong” mean for you? How would you know you are “Doing the Right Thing”? What would you life look like, feel like, sound like? When you are “Doing the Right Thing”, how do you respond to other people’s disapproval?
Choose one area of your life where you want to start. Create a list with 3 daily actions.
Reflect: It’s important to start small. Choose one scenario or relationship or area of your life where you want to start. Then make a list with three daily actions.
Act: What three (teeny, mundane, huge) things will you do today to build the bridge from “Doing Things Right” to “Doing the Right Thing”? The teenier, the better. It’s often the teeny things, not the huge ones, that make the greatest long-term changes.
Once you have your list of 3 actions for today: (a) begin practicing them and (b) commit to yourself to writing and practicing 3 actions every day for two weeks.
Two weeks from now—you’ll be looking back at this moment! Live the next two weeks like they really, really matter.
Because they do.
Live like you deserve to be true to who you really are. Like you deserve to do what is right for you and for the ones you love.
Remember, when you are true to yourself, everyone benefits. Whether they know it or not. Absolutely everyone benefits.
Hang in there. This is worth it!
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